One Woman's Take On Sexual Confidence
In recent conversations on the subject, I’ve found that many women my age are absolutely terrified of showing themselves off in the bedroom. I consider myself to be a pretty sexually liberated woman and I’ve found confidence at intimate moments. I think there are some essential things that one must do to attain sexual confidence.
1. THE DIVINYLS
The best way to be confident in bed is to feel yourself, literally. You trust yourself, so I implore you to take a trip south of the border and figure this out. You have two very capable helpers right at the end of your arms to help you figure out what makes you roll your eyes.
2. IT’S YOUR CALL
I once hooked up with a guy who would ask me *everytime* before we got down to business, if I had shaved. Well, darling dear, good sir, first of all, none of your business. Second, it’s been a couple days. He’s hesitant. I ask him the same thing and he says, ‘Oh, I don’t shave there”
Well, whoop-dee-fucking-doo! Guess I don’t either!
Now, specifically for hook ups, you have NO obligation to this person. Male or female, you can bounce after you finish even if they don’t. It’d make you an asshole but you don’t love that person and they certainly don’t love you.
If you don’t feel like shaving, don’t shave. If you like being super smooth, wax that shit. If this guy/girl, is requesting/hoping/praying/not-gonna-go-down-on-you-demanding that you’re shaved then guess who’s getting some teeth.
Here’s the thing, if there’s an offer to hook up on the table-- that should be enough, shouldn’t it?!
3. EDUCATE THE MASSES
Tell them if what they’re doing feels good, they will continue to do it. More importantly, tell them if it doesn’t feel good, they will not continue to do it (or SHOULDN’T). During a hook up with a random person or with someone who you’re involved with, most people’s priorities are to give you pleasure and vice versa.
If you're worried about hurting their feelings, toss that thought out the window immediately. They might be bruised for a second but it will help them in the long run. And it's not fun learning they didn't do a good job after the fact.
4. EMBRACE THE SQUISH
This is Hallmark Annie Advice.
Forget about your body issues for like 5 seconds.
“Wow, Annie that’s demanding and much easier said than done!”
Don’t I know it!? But at least in this scenario, your partner doesn’t give a shit if you have stretch marks, they just want to finish. So what, you bounce a bit? I'm squishy, too. We all are. We all need to have a little something to grab onto.
And if they do care, then you need to get the hell out of there or you could just bite down.
5. LACE UP
Lingerie is like a love letter to yourself. It's something physical that gives us an immediate boost.
We all have colors that look good on us, I highly recommend searching for some lace in that color (maybe a robe, too) and STRUT.
Light blue is my color. I could have let you find that out for yourself but I like talking about myself too much.
We all know the feeling the first time you wear a new outfit and you’re feeling fabulous, imagine having that feeling in that outfit and a whole other something underneath.
What we wear affects our confidence and self-esteem. That's why we often feel sluggish and gloomy in sweatpants and slippers.
As women, I feel that we are constantly trying to regain power over ourselves. We often lose ourselves in our jobs, standards, men and sadly sometimes, other women. Working towards personal power through our femininity tackles hurdles we didn't know we needed to tackle. If we embrace womanhood and all of it's "imperfections" and truly begin to love them, I guarantee you will wake up one morning and no longer be disappointed from not receiving a text from that one guy, you won't wake up jealous of that girl (you will hopefully want to be her pal), you'll know that what you bring to the table is invaluable.
6. THIS TAKES TIME
You gain confidence in the bedroom the more practice you have. Give yourself the opportunities to get your rocks off. And be patient with yourself.
Sex is one of the best parts of life, it should never be done out of guilt, it should never leave someone sad or ashamed. It should leave both (or all) partners feeling euphoric. In the simplest and sincerest of terms… enjoy yourselves.